Hope and Fear Go With It

My son fell at the playground a couple of days ago. I wasn't there. According to my wife he flopped from a height just about her head, so about five feet. She turned her gaze for a split second to stank-eye some twelve or thirteen year-old kids (who according to wife should have been at work). I have been there before. I always want to catch him. At times I have and other times I haven't. Kids just fall waaay too much to catch them all the time, that's my defense because I have stellar reflexes, Cullen reflexes. In any case, my son gets in the car just a little bit shaken and says to his mother "I'm sorry you didn't catch me." He's too young to be sarcastic so this was a sincere apology. My wife, understandably, lost it. What a little gentleman. Maybe he'll grow up to be like his father and apologize when someone steps on his foot. I think my son has a big heart. Whenever he disobeys or misbehaves I try to correct him or discipline him appropriately. Regardless, I always say to my wife he has a big heart and I know he knows he's loved. "I'm sorry you didn't catch me." At age four he's already making a distinction between physical and emotional pain. What a gracious attitude. My wife responded like any good mom would and got the boy some ice cream.

When I was a wee tot, I am told, I would always walk with my hands in my pockets. And...I used to fall a lot. You can laugh. I made no effort to catch myself. More to the point, I was born on a Sunday, a day of rest (not so for my mother that day). My point is I like to take it easy to this day. I like to lean and loaf and invite my soul. Don't get me wrong I loved and still love to play. I remember a particular fall I had at the playground. I was at the top of the slide and I waved to my mom and tipped over the side. I bloodied my nose and I have a deviated septum to this day. I don't know if I said anything that particular day other than "aaaahhhh" but I don't hold any grudges against gravity or my mom. We fall. We get back up.

I choose today to write about this because my son is starting something new this evening and he's going to fall a lot. He's learning how to skate, yes, on ice. Is he afraid to fall? Sure. Is my heart already in my throat? Sure. I'm not going to be out there to catch him. So why would I subject myself to this emotional torture? I think he's going to learn how to fall with grace. This is sort of the nature of gravity and ice, you have no choice but to go with it. He will have to learn how to go with it. Watch an NHL game. These athletes know how to fall and how to get back up. They know how to use momentum to spin out of a check or absorb a check. They know when to put their stick on the puck and when to let it glide. They are in their element. And there is a deeper lesson in this.

The Avett Brothers have a song, "The Once and Future Carpenter," with an apt chorus related to this topic:

Forever I will move like the world that turns beneath me
And when I lose my direction I'll look up to the sky
And when the black cloak drags upon the ground
I'll be ready to surrender, and remember
Well we're all in this together
If I live the life I'm given, I wont be scared to die

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ihf9A9g6pck

We can't live in fear of change or of a falling. Nor can I deny my son a chance to live. I just hope he knows he can always look in my direction and remember we're in this together.